LOVE MASTER!!!!

Greetings interslaves!!! Sorry I've been away for so long. I was hospitalized after eating ony ice cubes and passing out at the mall. What a scene I must have been??? The doctor said I needed to actually consume food, YUCK!

So I looked up diets online and found the best one EVER!!! Have you heard about this "master cleanse"? Like I always say, if it's good enough for Beyonce, it's good enough for Leslie D Silver. All the siiingllleee ladyyyyys!!!!

So all I'll be eating is lemonade with cayenne pepper and maple syrup for the next 10 days!!!! I am making it the "Leslie's Diet Master Cleanse" and only using sugar free maple syrup!!!! My body will be BANGING!!!!

Back to the main issue here: that bastard cupid!!!!! He must be mad at Leslie, for real! So here is what I posted on craiglist, cupid be damned, this single lady (beyonce!) is taking love into her own hands!!!

Leslie <3

You Be Good Enough To Eat, Me be Hungry for Your Attention!!!!

Hello Fellas,

Are you looking for a night of fun and sweaty excitement? I'm the girl with a healthy appetite for life, and I am looking to give some massages (Non-Sexual, All Delicious)!!!

My goal is to get fit before the holiday season, and since I can't run or walk that fast I think giving deep dish tissue massage will be my kind of work out plan!!!!

I had a cousin who was a massage therapist and she was like super skinny, she lost so much weight from giving massages that her hair started to fall out. 'le sigh. someday.



You bring the jar of canola oil, a stick of butter, some brown sugar, and flour for my famous cookie dough deep tissue massage treatment. I'll bring my hands. lol.

please don't send a picture of your weiner, unless its a ball park. im serious guys!!! im not talking about a foot long, im looking for girth and plump and juiciness. and non-kosher is totes kewl.

your pic gets mine. please be able to voice verify. you have to host because i want my roomies to be super surprised when i start losing weight!!!

Also just so you know I love telling jokes while I massage, so be ready to LOL. i have a ton of cheese jokes that i have been working on for years and they are all GHOUDA.


I LOVE U2, YOU SHOULD TOO.

TTYL, Leslie