I am at a loss for words loyal readers, so I will express my feelings like this ;-O !!!!!!

I have TWO suitors. The missed connection dreamboats are going to be on me like peanut butter cups on a Wal-Mart birthday cake. Yes, it's a love sandwich and I'm the salami. I've emailed them both back and am just waiting to hear from my men.

Maybe I can interst them in a menage e' Leslie. Totally J/K. Ewww. No double stuffed oreos for me, thank you very much. I can only handle one latex cannoli at a time!!!! I am SO getting laid by Christmas making this whole journey a success! All intrested book publishers, this blog could be a book easier than I can make a no-calorie ice cube no-milk shake. (OMG A BOOK WITH MY RECIPES!)

No Calorie Ice Cube No-Milk Shake

1 pound Ice Cubes, Frozen (LOL!)

Put your ingredients into a blender and blend. Pour into a cup. Serves 1 Leslie!

ANYWAYS, here is what I wrote my men, not to give away all my flirttin' secrets, just want you to peep my subtle sexuality. MEOW!

To My Man Man Mantis:

Mantis95, it is you!

For the record I was reading The Ten Cupcake Romance, but that's not important, what is important is that dispite all the odds stacked against us we have found each other. My heart is fuller than an eclair!

I was GOING to put in the ad that your hair was playfully spikey in the front, SO CUTE, it reminds me of blades of grass or possible a cake made to look like blades of grass. LOL. How cool is this?

So do you want to get married and have kids? Lol. NOT NOW! But I really want a big family with lots of little munchkins running around and doing little kid things, like candying apples, making pies, and having burping contests. I STILL CANT BELEIVE I FOUND YOU!


I guess the next step in this is up to you, a first date (but hopefully not a last. LOL)? I love all restaurants, so you name it!!!!! Last night I had the BEST double fondue sausage pie, I am a super good cook ;-)~


email me, big boy!
Leslie

To Sexy Ryan (I haven't come up with a good nickname for him yet):

Oh My Gosh! It Is You!!!

Nice to meet you Ryan. MMMMMmmm, I love that name! Ryan, it just rolls off the toungue. Mrs Ryan Williams. Has a nice ring to it don't you think? Lol. Totes J/k.

No worries about not eating bacon, (I guess ;)~ !!!! You bring home the bacon and i will eat the bacon!!!!!! :)~~ I'm on a roll this morning!
Let me know where you want to take me to eat and I will be there!! I love mexican food, but it makes me a little hard to stand next too!! LOL So italian is good, cause I love creamy, white sauce ;) or greek is YUMS but the burps that come out of me will make you question, well, nevermind!!

Do you want to have children? Not now SILLY!!! Someday, I want to be like that girl on that show with all of the kids. But I only want boy children. Maybe i should move to china? LOL. I am white.

I should have a new picture to send soon, my computer crashed on me after my N key stopped working, but my friends say I look like a cross between Kristie Alley and Jesica Simpson.

Talk to You Later,
Leslie

Oh I hope one of them writes back....so nervous!

Two great big updates!

W00t! I have lost another 4 pounds! W00t W00t TIMES 4! I have discovered this great diet where all you eat is cabbage and laxatives and air! The weight literally falls right off of you. Or out of you (Totes gross, lol) (TIP: Wear dark colored pants in public situations that you don't want people to know you have JUST crapped yourself!)

And ::imaginary internet drum roll:: I got a reply to my missed connection! TWO REPLIES! W00t to the W00t! One of which is the guy I saw and the other is a dream sundae with extra whipped cream, I WANT TO EAT HIM.

Check out bachelor number one, the man i didn't see (yet)! Isn't he the cutest? (but not the sexiest!) :

ryan.williams.228@gmail.com wrote:

hey not sure if it was me..but i don't eat bacon --not healthy..u?

And here is my dream guy with the manga hair, he is like a cabbage sundae with extra air and easylax.

Here was his reply. 'le swoon :

mantis95@aol.com wrote:

I was wearing a suit and black suitcoat, i transferred from the 6 at union square to the 4/5, my hair is spikey in the front, and i wear glasses, im pretty sure i was starring at a girl reading a book, i don't know the book, and i don't know if it was you, any other details, and/or do I sound like the guy. If not, hope you find him.

I am so writing them both back. Does that make me a slut?

-Leslie :)~

Devoted Web Slaves,

I'm sorry it's official, your goddes d'jour may officially be off the market. I JUST MET MY FUTURE HUSBAND! :-D Okay. Calm down, Leslie. We didn't meet, actually. But our eyes did. AND the eyes are the window to the soul!!! <3<3

I might be getting ahead of myself but I can tell from I just know he is wonderful though. I saw him on the 6 train and ::drool:: he had spikey hair just like Cun Ching Slappy Gwah from my favorite anime ever Twilight Soldiers Gosuku!

I am posting a missed connection ad right now! And he will find me, then we will get married (I may or may not get pregnant first!) (even though my doctor said I am not at a healthy weight to have a baby, but what really is a "healthy weight"?? God Doctors are such buzz kills!!!!!) and we will be so happy in love, me and my new man!!!!!!

Here is the missed connection ad, feel free to pass it on if you think you know my mystery man:

You, with the edible eyes, the scrumptious business attire, and your delicious hair. Me, hungry for more.

We exchange glances like two people that I looked longingly at my breakfast sandwich wishing you were the bacon, and I was the cheese, the egg would be our love.

If you can tell me what book I was reading I will know it is you <3

Vanilla Is YUMMY!!!

Oh crap on a bacon flavored cracker!!! I got another massage messages when i was in my coma! My inbox is practically full!!!

This man is a little old for me, but totally fits my sugar daddy type. he looks richer than a chocolate ecliar doesn't he? and his name is red red. red is like my 4th or 5th favorite color!!! we're so soul mates!

red red redred4082@yahoo.com Wrote:

I am a M W M , in my late 40s ,6' ,brn , trim beard , blue eyes construction worker bluecollar,beefy football players body think John Goodman playing Fred Flinstone, in Flatbush Brooklyn,not as vanilla as I lQQk ,I am DD free, safe/sane.If you are interested let me know

Can't Blog if Bloggin' is without you

Dearest Blog Slaves,

I have been a bad web goddess. I am so sorry for the lack of updates. Time really flies when you lapse into a hyperglycemic hyperosmolar coma. The Doctors at the hospital were all smoking hot!!! But sadly, while I was busy learning to speak again (comas makes you supa stupid!!) I didn't get a chance to write back Poon Joon, my bollywood boyfriend!!!

DIET TIP NUMBER #800AWESOME!: Getting all your norishment from an IV Drip totes takes off the pounds!! I am a BANGING HAWT 89 POUNDS!!! That is date weight, fo sho!!!!

Is it time to post on eHarmony, peeps? Vote in my comments, let me know what you think!?

WON'T YOU TAKE ME TO MESSAGETOWN?!

Holy Cheezits!

Did anyone see Melrose place last night? It's like they co-opted my life for TV! Minus all the killing and, as you might know, sex!!!! LOL!!!

It's Leslie D again, I'm still looking for love and for this (explosive diahrea) from the master cleanse to end. Yesterday I was at Big Lots looking for an irregular Slanket when i just about mucous discharged all over the floor (gag to the extreme!) I would never tell a date these things, but you guys are like my BFFs.


Speaking of hot date ;) check out this reply Leslie's email box received last night!!! Hell-ooo Poon Joon!!! I'm guessing by the name this is a fellow of the Indian persuasion!!! HOT! HOT! HOT! You know I like the CURRY! CHRIST JESUS GOD IN HEAVEN I AM HUNGRY! Or allah for my new man, Poon Joon!!!

Joon L poonjoon@ymail.com wrote:


Interesting post, are you serious? i will bring the canola oil, butter, brown sugar and flour. is there any sexual relief?


Doesn't he sound dreamy? Wow. I just got really dizzy for a second. I think i'm going to go lay down for awhile. later french fried potaters!

LOVE MASTER!!!!

Greetings interslaves!!! Sorry I've been away for so long. I was hospitalized after eating ony ice cubes and passing out at the mall. What a scene I must have been??? The doctor said I needed to actually consume food, YUCK!

So I looked up diets online and found the best one EVER!!! Have you heard about this "master cleanse"? Like I always say, if it's good enough for Beyonce, it's good enough for Leslie D Silver. All the siiingllleee ladyyyyys!!!!

So all I'll be eating is lemonade with cayenne pepper and maple syrup for the next 10 days!!!! I am making it the "Leslie's Diet Master Cleanse" and only using sugar free maple syrup!!!! My body will be BANGING!!!!

Back to the main issue here: that bastard cupid!!!!! He must be mad at Leslie, for real! So here is what I posted on craiglist, cupid be damned, this single lady (beyonce!) is taking love into her own hands!!!

Leslie <3

You Be Good Enough To Eat, Me be Hungry for Your Attention!!!!

Hello Fellas,

Are you looking for a night of fun and sweaty excitement? I'm the girl with a healthy appetite for life, and I am looking to give some massages (Non-Sexual, All Delicious)!!!

My goal is to get fit before the holiday season, and since I can't run or walk that fast I think giving deep dish tissue massage will be my kind of work out plan!!!!

I had a cousin who was a massage therapist and she was like super skinny, she lost so much weight from giving massages that her hair started to fall out. 'le sigh. someday.



You bring the jar of canola oil, a stick of butter, some brown sugar, and flour for my famous cookie dough deep tissue massage treatment. I'll bring my hands. lol.

please don't send a picture of your weiner, unless its a ball park. im serious guys!!! im not talking about a foot long, im looking for girth and plump and juiciness. and non-kosher is totes kewl.

your pic gets mine. please be able to voice verify. you have to host because i want my roomies to be super surprised when i start losing weight!!!

Also just so you know I love telling jokes while I massage, so be ready to LOL. i have a ton of cheese jokes that i have been working on for years and they are all GHOUDA.


I LOVE U2, YOU SHOULD TOO.

TTYL, Leslie

Morrisey Doesn't Have a Song for How Sad I Feel

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh X 10. I can't beleive my dream boat massage man never wrote me back!!! W to the T to the F!!!

I even sent him a follow up email asking him if i was busty enough. I am tres sad monamies! What is a girl to do? I think that it's time that the D in Leslie D stood for DIET!!!

It would only make sense that the year-o- not-getting-laid had everything to do with how much I have let myself go!!! My scale said 105 today!!!! I was 103 last week??? What the water weigh is going on?!?! There you go Leslie, I said, eating your feelings again.! :@)

My goal is to get down to my birth weight. J/K. totally J/K. I'm not CRAZY! I just want to be skinny enough to attract a man, that's all.

So today, i am cleaning out my refridgerator. If anyone wants 42 activia yogurts give me a shout out! Maybe I should post them on Craigslist??? Maybe I should post MYSELF on craigslist?!!! Not a bad idea, Leslie, not a bad idea at all.....

Today I will only eat water and post myself on craigslist. Wish me luck my blogslaves!!!!

Leslie <3

Three It's The Magic Number (FOR BLOG ENTRIES!!) :-0

Well, seeing how no one commented on my last BLOGaroni and cheese.... Not one Single person!!!! SAD FACE!!!!

Where are you my dorky interweb love slaves?..OUT TO LUNCH!??!

I went ahead and wrote Mr Dream Pie Massage Man and I still havent heard back- but fingers are crossed, toes are crossed, eyes are crossed..BUNS ARE HOT AND CROSSED!....

Here is what I wrote, maybe you blogslaves can give me some TIPS on writing back to craigslist posts so that I will GET some LOVE

Oh yeah. and I got my N Key fixed. it turns out there was a honey mustard pretzel wedged under there. should have known. this was the exact problem i had with my space bar.

Subject I'm Oh So Busty (i'm not really. i'm like an a-cup... but mr massage doesn't need to know that.. . YET! my water bra will totally suprise him lol!!!)

Hello Sexy Getlema lookig for a hot massage...

My ame is Leslie Silver :)~~ Please forgive me - my keyboard is ot workig, the letter btw the B and M does ot work!!!! So FRUSTRATIG!!!

Ayways, HI! Lucky for you Im white, asia, ad latia!!!!!! Some of my frieds have called me the sexiest thig sice Agelia! LOL, ad it's all true! I am so hot that my ipples shoot sparks. ot really of course, I'm just jokig. That's somethig you'll lear about me. I ca 't resist a good joke, especially durig itercourse.

But you are oly looking for massage, ad that is cool! I am totes ito that!!! Big Boy! Do you like dirty talk? I am filthy!!!! I love calling guys dirty iggers and lazy hispaics. What kid of rubbig oils would you like me to use o you? I love usig caola oil. it remids me of frech fries, ad mozerella sticks, ad chicke figers.

Well I've bee ramblig like a meth head. So tell me about yourself ad what you are lookig for. I'll so rub your uts!

Your pic gets mie.

Leslie D Silver
The D is for DEE-licious!

Hope he writes back. ::imaginary drool::

Entry Dos'!!!! Leslie D is Back!!!!

This will come as MUCH surprise, but after only exactly one minute on the internets I have
found the perfect guy on the internet! OMG I so can't beleive it.

i'm so in love already after only a week!! Here's the Personal ad he posted on a site that will remain anonomyous, but it's someone's list. (not Shindlers. NOT LOL! Don't even joke about that!!!! :/ )

Busty college girl needed by handsome exec (Massage only)

Handsome, fit, kind, gentleman seeks a busty non-pro for private time. Please be honest, sweet, reliable and non-pro. Prefer white, asian or latina. Absolute confidentiality and safety assured. Send a short note about you and your picture, I will respond immediately. I look forward to hearing from you.

What do you think, Webfamily?! Should I write him back or just show up at his door and offer myself like a big piece of meat stewed in broth with potatoes and carrots!!!!

Patience, Leslie, I don't want scare him off just yet!!! I'll save that for the bedroom!!! What?