LOVE IS DEAD

That is All.

Leslie

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!

OK OK OK I KNOW I SAID I WAS DONE BUT...you guys have to hear this....

FIRST: the guy at the quick mart said my eyes were pretty! WTF!!!! ALL I was doing was buying those creepy truck driver speed because I heard it makes you not hungry and truck drivers aren't ever in love so I thought it would be PERFECT!!!

SECOND: There I am coming out of the gym and I TRIP AND FALL, OMG TRES EMBARRASSING. Then here comes Mr. Perfect to pick me up. He works at the falafel stand and his name is, well, I DONT KNOW, BUT WHO CARES!!!

I guess i've done enough work on me, becuase love literally fell right in my lap. well technically i fell into six pigeons fighting over a peice of schwarma, but still I'm In LOOOVE! and It Feels so good!!!

SO LOVE CAN HAPPEN TO YOU TOO!

FOR REAL!

THAT IS ALL,

LESLIE

Goal Acheived. True Love Denied

Well, Interdweeebs. I know it's been awhile, but it's time for your faithful mistress of the dark chocolate eclair to leave you all. Yes yes, I kno, but hold back those tears mon amies. This Is a good thing, you see after the depression from my spikey haired anime love child dumping me i locked myself in a closet for three weeks with nothing to eat. and I HAVE NEVER LOOKED BETTER!

I have learning a whole bunch of lessons on my love quest. Like eating only ice chips will land you in hosiptal. Craigslist's missed connections should sometimes stay missed! Eating only cabbage for 7 days will eventually make you shit and throw up at the same time. Love can't be forced. And I have to love myself before I love someone else. And no one will truely love you until you under 98 pounds.

Which is why I bid you all a fond adieu, adeiu adeiu adeiu to you and you and you. But before I leave I've heard about this new diet where they insert a carniverous ring worm directly into your rectum. Do y'all think i should try it? I need to look smoking hot for when I do meet Mr Right (not Mr. Right Now In The Alley!!! LOL!). Or even Mr RightNow really, or possibly that cute guy who greets people at wal-mart. Do you think he's single?

You see how much I think about love?! FRUSTRATING! I am never going to find love if I dont stop thinking about it. I am thinking of new hobbies like dancing in a dance marathon or running more than twice a day or seeing if I can do 1000 sit ups during an episode of Everyone Loves Raymond.

So from this point on I am not thinking about love, or blogging, or anything else other than me- good ol' single leslie.

Leslie OUT!

ps. If anyone knows of any available men, email me at wildthinglover@gmail.com. I mean, afer i've learned to love myself, of course.

Unbreak My Heart

I have no words to express how I feel today. So I will just post this and you will understand why I need a better diet program.

mantis95@aol.com to me

I am skeptical that it was me you saw and I am not going to send you a pic, so i wish you well. Hope you find what you are looking for.

I'm off to take a spin class, a personal trainer appt, a 10 mile run and possible some kind of karate class (Take my anger out on the bag!!)

Leave me some comments, yall. I need your love. I need someone's love.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE <3<3<3<3<3<3

Bonjour Leslieophiles,

I've decided to take a big risk, like eating raw cookie dough (Salmonella- yucky! :-P) and just email my man Mantis. After all he is the handsomest man I have ever seen, the future father of my children and I don't want to get to far ahead of myself here, the only man I will ever love in my entire life.


Leslie knows what she wants when she wants it and her eyes are set on Mantis. My mom told me that its not moving too fast if you are honest with the man about your intentions. But my mom was a hermaphrodite drunk bitch who also said that I would always be fat. LOOK AT ME MOM! IM IN LOVE!!! She would be so jealous of Mantis. Too bad she is dead.

Here's what i wrote that anime hunk:

Hello My Man Mantis!

I am not on facebook, it's too evasive! Yuck! Do you want to see a picture of me? Well, so sorry pal, I am going to have to see you first!!!

OMG sorry I havent had lunch yet. Only breakfast, after-breakfast snack, and my pre-lunch sandwich. ME HUNGRY! ha ha!


Confession Time! I love my cats. I hope you're not allergic other wise this totally wont work. My cats are my life, my love, and my reason for being alive (other than milano cookies of course!!) In fact, I hope this doesn't creep you out, but I have had all of my pets taxidermied since I was 12. AFTER they go to heaven, of course..well...most of the time.

I sleep with Fluffs, she went to heaven a couple years ago but is still super soft. If you hate cats, alive and not alive, totes cool I can just hid them in my attic. You would not believe what can fit in my attic, it's so big!!! A human body could easily be hidden there for years with no one the wiser. Many people DONT even KNOW i have an attic!!!!

So send me another picture, silly billy! Then I will send you a picture!!!


my undying love,
Leslie


So now I just need to wait for Mantis to write me back. I've been hitting refresh on my mailbox every thirty seconds for the past 15 hours. I haven't heard anything yet, but i'm sure he's busy. I mean a man like mantis probably has all sorts of hobbies and activities right? It's definately not another woman.... maybe I should email him again.

Decisions... Decisions...

What is a girl to do? Both of my sugar frosted dream flakes have written back, and I am just at a loss. I'd go with my heart, but it's telling me to eat a whole Sarah Lee pound cake... maybe you can help me decide?

My Macho Mantis wrote:
I don't know, seems too good to be true, how can you be so sure it was me. Are you on facebook?

Mantis is right, it DOES seem too good to be true, but aren't all the best things in life too good to be tue? Like newborn babies. and weddings and undying love that lasts forever .And fat free brownies? That's the kind of love mantis98 and i share! We are so alike in the way we think. We have both had our hearts broken, and are careful, but deep down we still believe that there could be a delicous fat free brownie.

ryan the hottie wrote:
wow ur definitely on a roll..u do standup?

OMG Ryan can see right through me to my apple core!!!! He knows I like to joke around when I am nervous. Just wait till he sees me in bed, it's like one knock knock joke after another until he sticks it in my mouth!! HAHAH THERE I GO AGAIN! Im glad Ry can see my funny side, but maybe it's time to show him my serious and sexy side?

I am at a loss for words loyal readers, so I will express my feelings like this ;-O !!!!!!

I have TWO suitors. The missed connection dreamboats are going to be on me like peanut butter cups on a Wal-Mart birthday cake. Yes, it's a love sandwich and I'm the salami. I've emailed them both back and am just waiting to hear from my men.

Maybe I can interst them in a menage e' Leslie. Totally J/K. Ewww. No double stuffed oreos for me, thank you very much. I can only handle one latex cannoli at a time!!!! I am SO getting laid by Christmas making this whole journey a success! All intrested book publishers, this blog could be a book easier than I can make a no-calorie ice cube no-milk shake. (OMG A BOOK WITH MY RECIPES!)

No Calorie Ice Cube No-Milk Shake

1 pound Ice Cubes, Frozen (LOL!)

Put your ingredients into a blender and blend. Pour into a cup. Serves 1 Leslie!

ANYWAYS, here is what I wrote my men, not to give away all my flirttin' secrets, just want you to peep my subtle sexuality. MEOW!

To My Man Man Mantis:

Mantis95, it is you!

For the record I was reading The Ten Cupcake Romance, but that's not important, what is important is that dispite all the odds stacked against us we have found each other. My heart is fuller than an eclair!

I was GOING to put in the ad that your hair was playfully spikey in the front, SO CUTE, it reminds me of blades of grass or possible a cake made to look like blades of grass. LOL. How cool is this?

So do you want to get married and have kids? Lol. NOT NOW! But I really want a big family with lots of little munchkins running around and doing little kid things, like candying apples, making pies, and having burping contests. I STILL CANT BELEIVE I FOUND YOU!


I guess the next step in this is up to you, a first date (but hopefully not a last. LOL)? I love all restaurants, so you name it!!!!! Last night I had the BEST double fondue sausage pie, I am a super good cook ;-)~


email me, big boy!
Leslie

To Sexy Ryan (I haven't come up with a good nickname for him yet):

Oh My Gosh! It Is You!!!

Nice to meet you Ryan. MMMMMmmm, I love that name! Ryan, it just rolls off the toungue. Mrs Ryan Williams. Has a nice ring to it don't you think? Lol. Totes J/k.

No worries about not eating bacon, (I guess ;)~ !!!! You bring home the bacon and i will eat the bacon!!!!!! :)~~ I'm on a roll this morning!
Let me know where you want to take me to eat and I will be there!! I love mexican food, but it makes me a little hard to stand next too!! LOL So italian is good, cause I love creamy, white sauce ;) or greek is YUMS but the burps that come out of me will make you question, well, nevermind!!

Do you want to have children? Not now SILLY!!! Someday, I want to be like that girl on that show with all of the kids. But I only want boy children. Maybe i should move to china? LOL. I am white.

I should have a new picture to send soon, my computer crashed on me after my N key stopped working, but my friends say I look like a cross between Kristie Alley and Jesica Simpson.

Talk to You Later,
Leslie

Oh I hope one of them writes back....so nervous!